Here’s your sign…

This is one of comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s famous saying. He would say it in response to people who asked questions or made statements about things that were obvious. The “sign” would identify the person as being a moron. This would not work so well here in China, because stating the obvious is an everyday way for people to communicate here. Let me give you an example. One rainy day, I walk outside to the bus stop. There was a guy standing there. We smile at each other, in that friendly the way that strangers often do. I guess that encouraged him to try to strike up a conversation because he looks at me and says “下雨了” or “It’s raining”. I really didn’t need him to tell me this because I was already looking for animals to be lining up two by two. At this point one could insert Mr. Foxworthy’s quote into the conversation, but instead I just agreed with him. Little did I know that for the rest of the day people would kindly inform me of this fact. Did I look like I didn’t realize it? No, I had my umbrella and was properly outfitted in a jacket and boots. Later on I was told that this is a part of the culture.
Another example of people stating the obvious is how often people tell me I am a “老外or 外国人” which both mean foreigner. Now for those of you who don’t know me, I want to explain to you that the chances of me being mistaken as a local are not very good. Instead of saying “here’s your sign”, I often tell them “no I’m not. I am Chinese. I am from the south side”. One day a little 8 year old girl says this to me at a park, so I could not resist telling her that I am Chinese. The look on her face was priceless. I could almost read her thoughts in the wrinkles on her scrunched up face. She was probably thinking “But you’re Black”. Well, I must have been very convincing because suddenly her face brightens and she runs off shouting “他是中国的”or “He’s Chinese”.
Just to give you a final example, the other day I bought some beer because we were having friends over. The security guard at the gate asks me, “你要喝啤酒吗？Which means “Are you going to drink beer?” I thought what would Jeff say in this instance? It would probably be something like “Nope. I just like buying the stuff”. But this time I restrained myself, and just told him that I was.
You know they say if you can’t beat them, join them. So I have been using this technique to start conversations with people. I say things like: “I am not a local”, “you are Chinese”, or even “it’s raining”. I am just waiting for one of them to say to me “这里是你的标志” or “Here’s your sign”. - Frank


I come in the house soaking wet and am greeted by "Is it Raining?".."nope, decided to take the fish for a walk". Here’s your sign!

Pics of Hong Kong

Here are just a few of the things that we saw while in HK. We realy loved the pic of the lady eating at McDonalds with her chopsticks. Also you will notice that whoever is making the signs has a sense of humor. Of course, there is also the photographic evidence that they drive on the wrong side of the road. So it is not my fault that I almost got creamed. For over thirty years I have been trained to look left! - Frank

Hong Kong Again

Our initial one year visa is officially expired. In fact, it actually expired in December, but we got two one month extensions while we were waiting for the paperwork for our new visa to get processed. Tuesday, they were finally finished. All papers were stamp, signed, sealed and delivered. The next step is leaving the country. That is counter intuitive, I know. To stay in a country, you have to leave first, but that is the way it is. We had to go to the Chinese Consulate in Hong Kong to get the paperwork processed. Hence, the last minute trip. This time we will only be here a couple days, and then it is back to the Mainland. We are very excited about being able to take even this small trip, short though it may be, becuase we have realy been busy with school and teaching. Hong Kong here we come. Frank

Alive and Kickin'

Things have been pretty hectic over the past few weeks. I have been working a lot, which is great. As you may remember, last year I couldn’t find work as a pan handler for much of the year. This year, I have been getting job offers almost every week. I am teaching computers and English, I have done a voice over for a tourism video, proofreading and translation, and yesterday I was offered a position overseeing a school. What a difference a year makes!
Aside from work, I am still playing basketball every week. Thanks to staying active, I have lost the weight I put on over the summer. The downside of that is that I can now fit into standard Chinese clothes. That’s right, I can go the local Wal-mart and buy clothes right off the rack. I recently bought a pair of jeans and I fit the first pair I tried on. Amanda says I look like a little Chinese guy. Along with the weight, I also lost the strength that I gained while fighting fires. A few days ago on the bus, a little old Chinese lady pushed me out of her way. I was in shock! A little old, sixty pound, four foot two inch, hunchbacked old lady pushed me out of her way! A few months ago, whenever they would try to get by me, they would just wear themselves out pushing and shoving and not move me an inch. Thinking back on it, maybe I have not lost my strength. Maybe she used an ancient Chinese, Bruce Lee move on me. Yeah, that must be it.
Some of you may have heard that I was recently sick. Now that I have recovered, I can tell you how sick I actually was. I started feeling bad after playing basketball one afternoon. That night I caught a chill in the cold night air, but I didn’t think anything of it. The next day I had to teach, and I coughed thru the whole class. In fact, I felt so bad that I tried to get one of the students to teach the class for me. When she declined, I used another approach. When all else fails, play a game. We played Hangman the rest of the class. After class, I cancelled a couple of appointments that I had and went straight home. Once I arrived at home, I turned the heat on, climbed into bed fully dressed, (winter coat, light jacket, sweater, two shirts, and long johns), and bundled up under two blankets. Despite all of that, I was freezing. Yep, I had a bad fever! As it turns out, my fever reached 104 F. After struggling with the fever for two days, I decided to go see my Chinese doctor, Dr. Jeff. Thinking back on that visit, I now realize I was very sick. After the doctor told me that I had bronchitis, the nurse kept saying to me “don’t worry sir; you’ll be fine in a few days”. I assured her that I was not worried”. I guess I was too out of it at the time to translate correctly what she was really saying. Here is how that phrase actually translates into nurse speak: “Oh my, you poor thing. Be afraid, be very afraid. I don’t think you are going to make it”. In fact, later on Dr. Jeff has a private talk with Amanda. It seems he was so worried about my condition that along with the IVs that I was to be given for bronchitis, he also instructed that I receive the swine flu vaccine. It seems he thought that if I were to catch H1N1 in my weakened condition, it could have grave consequences. I did not find out about this until I was well on my way to recovery. Having fully recovered, I learned something from this experience. What I learned can be summed up this way: People in the health care profession lie! All joking aside, I had to receive IV treatments three days in a row, for about four hours each time. Dr. Jeff and the nurses took very good care of me. They were very professional and efficient. Our friends were also great. They visited me both in the hospital and at home, they brought me flowers and a huge fruit basket, and they even brought Amanda lunch while she was with me at the hospital. One of my co-workers taught my class for me but refused to take payment. It is amazing what true friends will do.
So that is the latest from us in China. The rumors of my demise were greatly exaggerated. I am still alive and kicking. - Frank

Field Trip

Last week we were invited to go on a field trip with our Chinese school. It was touted as an opportunity for us to practice speaking Chinese out of the classroom. In reality, I think things are much the same here as it is in America: it was a good excuse for a picnic and barbeque. That being said, we had a really nice time. It reminded me a lot of a family reunion. They played many of the same game, like the potato sack race and the three legged race. But they also played some that we somehow missed when my family got together. There was the Chinese character game. It was an undisguised attempt to get us to learn while we were having fun. Needless to say, I avoided it like it was the H1N1 (swine) flu. Another picnic game that is unique to this part of the world involves using chopsticks to pickup marbles out of a bowl. The top score of the day was 28 marbles in one minute. That mark was set by one of the Chinese teachers. The top score for a foreigner was set by…you guessed it. Amanda. She got 24 in a minute, compared to my 8!Not only is she picking up the language as easily as going to the grocery store and getting a pack of Raman noodles off the shelf, but she also uses chopsticks like a native. If I didn’t know any better, I would think her ancestry was from southeastern China instead of from the southeast of the US.

For lunch, we had a barbeque. They provided us with an assortment of meats on a stick, tofu, potatoes, zucchini, and other vegetables to cook ourselves. Joining Amanda and I at our table was a couple from Colorado, three Germans, and one of our former Chinese teachers. Since most of us have cooked food on a grill before, we were eating in no time and without a lot of fuss. Some of the other tables were not as experienced. One table in particular did not let their coals turn white before adding the meat, so when the fat from the pork dripped onto the fire the flames went out of control. When this occurred they would pour water on the flames, which created a lot of smoke. Forty five minutes into the lunch, all they had to show for their efforts was red eyes and runny noses from the smoke, and charred but undercooked meat. They kept gazing at our table longingly, and in mild wonder as we chatted amiably ate our perfectly cooked food.

One of the best things about the field trip though was that we got to play with some of our classmates children. While living abroad, it is strange the things that you miss. For me, until the field trip, I did not realize how much I missed having kids around to play with. The Chinese children are usually so shy and reserved around foreigners that I can’t get much more out of them than a nervous laugh or a terrified squeal. On the field trip, however there was a family from Georgia. About a year and a half ago the parents decided to pack their three boys and one daughter up and move to China. Can you imagine that? Wow. Well, their kids are not afraid. In fact, they are quite gregarious. We played tag, Frisbee, baseball, and Uno. The game of Uno was played totally in Chinese. The mother said that that is how she teaches the kids Chinese. It is working. The three year old girl’s pronunciation is perfect. Oh if only I had started learning way back when…

At the end of the afternoon the school had arranged for us to go to a nice restaurant for dinner. As soon as we sat down the servers began bringing an endless variety of dishes. Sticky rice with smoked ribs inside, beef with onions, spicy chicken, potatoes, a vegetable that looked and tasted like collard greens, and eggplant are just a few of the dishes. I was so wrapped up in sampling this amazing fare that I did not realize until later that, in Chinese, I was laughing and joking right along with everyone else. I guess sometimes you can combine fun with learning. – Frank

A Quick Hit

A Quick Hit

As you already know, it has been over a month since I have written anything. As always, things here have been interesting and getting a blog posted has not been simple. For some reason we have not been able to access Blogger. Amanda recently thought of writing our blogs using MS Word, emailing it to someone back home, and having them post for us from the States. Brilliant! So, to quote the Beatles, with “a little help from my friends”, I will be able to blog again.

Here is a brief synopsis of the last month:

1. Our new apartment

a. We love our new place.

b. It is very quiet and peaceful. This place is more like a home.

c. Beau and Sara – Your room is waiting!

2. School

a. For the first time ever I am enjoying Chinese class.

b. I am beginning to see minute traces of progress

c. Our teacher is really good at getting us to use the words and grammar that we know

d. We took a test last week and I made an 85.5. For the record that is just 3 points lower than Amanda. (Inconceivable!)

3. Work

a. I am working at two universities. I teach computers at one and English at the other.

b. I did a voice over job for a tourism company. It was fifteen commercials of about thirty seconds each. She has promised more voice over jobs in the future. The spots will be airing on CCTV 9 sometime in the future. The people at the recording studio did not believe me when I told them it was my first time doing a voice over. They kept saying you are so professional. One girl said I was like Will Smith. That should tell you how good a judge of talent they are!

4. Travel

a. We went to Chengdu to visit Denice, a friend from America.

b. We made our requisite visit to Starbucks.

c. The next little trip we have planned is to visit some friends in Laos. J & K see you soon.

Well, that is all for now. I will write again this week because our school is taking us on a field trip. That should give me something new to write about. Until then, I have homework to do. Frank

Whirlwind

Whirlwinds are atmospheric phenomena that occur all over the world. They include tornadoes, waterspouts, and dust devils. Over the past few weeks, it has felt like we were caught in one. Almost immediately after our return to China, we enrolled in Mandarin classes again, began looking for work, and started searching for a new apartment. This may not seem like a lot, but if there is anything we learned during our first stint here, it is that even the most routine things take on a new dimension in China. For instance, our Mandarin class is for only about two hours. Easy, right? Not so much. The first class in which we enrolled, was so difficult that after fifteen minutes I told Amanda I wanted to go to the remedial class. She and the teacher talked me into trying it for a couple more days. After day three in that class, I felt like going to the back of the classroom, curling up in the fetal position, and sucking my thumb. Instead of doing that, during the break, I asked to be put in the special needs class. I felt better about quitting that class when a day later Amanda also tapped out. Now, we have a great teacher, but she insists on giving us tons of homework. So those two hours of class usually turns into at least four.
The other thing that has really consumed our time has been searching for an apartment. We did not expect things to be so difficult this time, because our language skills have improved and we knew what we were looking for. What we didn't know, however, is that the price on apartments have gone up and that we needed to be more specific on what we wanted. How so? You know how in America if you want to rent a place to live, you can expect certain things? Things like doors, a floor, a kitchen, a toilet, etc? Well, that is not always the case here. We were actually shown places without these things. In one such place, the landlord had the nerve to call me cheap when I said we would not rent it without them! If there were a rule book for living abroad, the first rule would have to be, don't take anything for granted. ANYTHING! You know, it is like Dorothy said after the tornado dropped her in OZ, "Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore." Eventually, we did find a suitable place, and should move into it pretty soon. Once that is over and as we continue to get used to school, hopefully things will settle down for us. After our time in America, Beijing, and Seoul, it is time for the winds to abate. It is time to enjoy the calm after the storm. - Frank